The Heroes and Villain
Charles Osgood, the Conman
Hometown: A pitiful city of coal and salt. It eschews pleasure in exchange for a constant aimless remorse. What of the fabulous Utah landscape? Yes, there are beautiful mountains and lakes, but the God-fearing pageantry gives one a stomach ulcer. Do not travel here. Perhaps Reno, instead?
Likes: A tightly-rolled cigar with a cup of bubbly brew
Dislikes: A tightly-wound cowboy with a white knight complex
Hopes: Oh the usual: fortune, power, life eternal. A shared smile over tea on a train might do, but these hopes are, I’ve found, less likely to manifest than the former. One can cheat the dealer, feign their position, and a new chance at life is always one carefully worded bargain away.
Fears: Mustachioed gentlemen, bullets, and The Book of Mormon
Special Talent: The court jester is always underestimated, my dear.
Helix, the Banished Goddess
Age: 370 millions of years old and some change, but my fake ID says 22
Hometown: The Heavens, sadly, but in my heart, the Bronx is my home
Likes: Coda, parties, party games, dancing, karaoke, nightclubs, skating, college parties, disco balls, etc.
Dislikes: Sardines, when people clap out of rhythm, killjoys, Spectra, being worshipped (it sounds cool at first but it really isn’t), parties that end before midnight but not because the cops showed up
Hopes: To make it back to 1987 in one piece
Fears: My mom will never answer my prayers
Special Talent: They didn't name me New York's Best DJ three years in a row for NOTHING!
Jesse, the Southpaw
Hometown: Abilene, Kansas
Likes: Buckwheat cakes, the orange glow of sunset, the smell of fresh ink.
Dislikes: Charles Osgood
Hopes: To see the fear in the Sam Vogel Gang’s eyes as they fall by my hand one by one.
Fears: Mind your business.
Special Talent: I don’t miss.
Emi, the Vengeful Ex
Hometown: The Heavens. Technically the Void, but oh my gods like I’d ever spend much time there.
Likes: Chanel N°5, poodle skirts, and Helix's everlasting love.
Dislikes: HUMANS. Dis-gust-ing. Have you ever smelled one? They're nothing but sweat and suffering. Blar! Obviously, I was not super for their creation, but, like, the other Gods are complete idiots.
Hopes: That once Helix and I put all this silly banishment business behind us she’ll understand what needs to be done for like the sake of, you know, everything.
Fears: Oh my gods, can you imagine? A goddess like me experiencing fear. That’s hilarious!
Special Talent: All my talents are special. ❤️